SUPPORT FOR THE SQUAD
As MSers, our view can be limited to our disease, months filled with doctor appointments, routine exams, medications, and symptoms that are overshadowed by the feelings of our supporting cast. Your support squad may consist of your spouse, significant other, siblings, family, and friends, and there are more times than not that our support squad needs support.
I can remember the early years of my MS diagnosis, trying to wrap my mind around what is happening to me but alongside me was my husband who was in an inner turmoil. We didn’t have a lot of support; many of our loved ones just didn’t understand how to be supportive so we clung to each other. After many heart-to-heart conversations with my husband, and the heartbreaking breakdowns he would have after bottling his emotions up for months and weeks at a time, we made a decision that we would be a team and we would support each other throughout this journey.
My neurologist at the time was the director for the hospital I would have my treatments at and he recommended several seminars to attend that would also help Darryl become informed and feel supported. I realized through attending many MS-related events, that not only was I the one with MS going through a life altering experience, my squad was too. At one particular seminar, I vividly remember my doctor speaking about the importance of not forgetting your support team. He said, “If one has MS in your family, you all have MS.” That did it for me! I realized MS doesn’t change the love you have for each other but your appreciation of those loved ones sometimes can. I began to take nothing for granted. The countless doctor visits, surgical procedures I’ve gone through including bladder surgery and a total hysterectomy, my husband has been there every step of this journey. And I didn’t want to take for granted that this is “just what people do” because I now know many don’t have any support.
My squad decided we would ALL walk this path and learn to give us all permission to feel. It was and is important to me that I consistently show my thankfulness and appreciation to my husband and family for their sacrifices are not unnoticed. I wish I could tell you it was an easy process, it wasn’t. The uncertainty of MS can be all consuming. We would devise and revise plans so that we would all be heard, validated and supported.
Whomever your support squad is in your MS journey, don’t forget that they also feel the pain of how ms has changed your life. A spouse particularly, feels the pain of losing the life you both once planned for and had that is now accompanied with revised plans. MS doesn’t have to be a death sentence to your marriage, rather it can be the catalyst that strengthens and empowers you as a couple. It has done that for Darryl and I.
