SEX, INTIMACY AND MS
Many times, sex and intimacy is quite the taboo subject in marriage. But imagine how much more taboo it is and difficult to discuss when it comes to us as MS fighters. As a marriage coach, I’ve always been enamored by the couples who were uncomfortable discussing their sex life within their marriage. Why is it so hard to discuss something so important with the person you committed to share your life with? I now admit I prejudged! They struggled with expressing that their sex life had become stale and boring, or that they didn’t quite know how to say they desired more sex, quantity wise.
Before MS, I never had a problem being open and honest with my husband regarding our sex life, which was a fulfilling experience in our marriage. I am a firm believer that whatever you invest in, you value. My marriage is and always will be valuable to me, so my investment matches my value of it. However, when I was first diagnosed with MS I was not prepared to struggle with so many feelings of low self-worth, low libido, shame and embarrassment, confusion, and the absolute worst was accepting the diminishing sexual sensitivity. I was not ready to lose my intimacy and healthy sex life as a result.
No one told me I would endure such emotional, mental pain and stress in this area of my MS journey. Not one neurologist spoke of it until I asked what was happening to my body! Imagine my shock when I was told there was nothing that could happen to restore nerves or sensitivity. No pill to take. No quick fix. The central nervous system we have is already functioning with the nerves we have. We do not grow new nerves. I felt forced to live in a body that didn’t work the way it used to.
In 2023, according to Medical News Today, there are currently no approved therapies that tackle the promotion regeneration of myelin. As MS progresses, our immune system continues to damage our myelin, making it difficult for the natural process of repair to fail. Nothing prepares you for the grief you feel of losing your intimate connection with your spouse. I wasn’t ready to lose this healthy part of my marriage, so I went to work finding and researching ways that would be a help and an aid.
There might not be a direct solution, but there are resources available like visiting a sex therapist who will help you navigate and preserve your intimacy. You are not alone in this fight. As long as we do not lose hope, in a hopeless battle we will win this fight. I, for one, am in this fight to win it.
