CONFESSIONS FROM MY YOGA MAT

I’ve often talked about what yoga has taught me and offered me as it relates to learning to listen to my body. What I haven’t shared as much is that I’ve also learned to listen to the ways in which I have talked to my body. The thoughts I think, the judgment I extend casually as if the impact between a thought and an action is easily distinguishable within my nervous system.

Many times, I have found myself both on and off the mat critiquing, criticizing, fixing, and not extending enough compassion or grace. There have been times when I’ve pushed myself further than my capacity due to the frustration of what I used to be able to do with ease. My mat has exposed many of my whispers, my truths, my judgments, my fears, my worries, my tears, my pain, and my mask. Everyone may not be able to see those things as easily as I do, but I do, and the impact can be detrimental. I’m sure you know too.

I loved being on my mat long before MS. It wasn’t until MS that I listened a little more clearly. I remember how I first felt in my body when my symptoms took over. Feeling like a stranger in your own body is one bewildering feeling. This often created the desire to run away from any sensation of pain because it was beyond unbearable to exist in my body. I took time away from my mat and intentionally being with my body because I couldn’t grapple with the thought of my new reality and perceived limitations.

In sharing this, I recognize I’m not the only one who has been there. I talk about accessibility as a wellness professional, but it’s not just about what someone isn’t able to do physically. It’s also the accessibility of resources and knowledge to put words to your experiences. Yoga has extended me a resource that others may not learn or know as freely to create this level of introspection within their own bodies. Our symptoms may not manifest in the same way, but what I do know is MS has caused us all some discomfort. Learning this skill is one I don’t take for granted. It’s a skill I pray everyone gets to experience in their lifetime. Especially you, sis!

My hope is that we find the language to love our bodies in new ways, to effectively listen to what we need, to advocate passionately, and to learn to sit with the ways in which our bodies do allow us to show up, even on the hardest of days. We all know that’s when we need it the most.