Early growing up a pastor’s kid, my mother taught me to keep my marriage protected at all times. That included never allowing “outsiders” into our union and certainly not sharing marital issues. But now as a wife and marriage coach of 15 years, I know now Mommy was a bit incorrect with this. Over the years, not only was I a recipient of having a community that helped myself as a wife but I now advocate for every married couple sharing a community of like-minded, supportive married friends. Your community should be couples who share the same vision and commitment to marriage as you do. Stay away from couples who are only biased and take sides. An effective marital community are those who not only hold the two of you accountable, but also offer non-bias suggestions that help your marriage and not tear the fabric of your relationship.

I often say, “marriage shouldn’t be done alone” and we all need a circle of friends that continue to create an atmosphere that curates honesty, transparency and support. There were so many critical times in my marriage where our marriage community was a saving grace for us. During times of health-related issues, and some not health related, our community lended unwavering support, cooked meals during times of my relapses and surgical procedures just to take a load off of us. I am an avid believer that the right community will help you see things with a different set of eyes and  perspective  when things are tough. Now, I do not advocate sharing all of your marital issues with everyone — your marriage must be held in high regard and your community should consist of couples who also hold your marriage in high regard and believe in confidentiality. 

What helped Darryl and I tremendously was in our second year of marriage when I was diagnosed. We said a simple prayer, “Lord, those that are to be connected to us to help enrich and empower us, send them.” And that happened! Nothing like a prayer answered and tailored made for you, right?! Now several years later we are now the marital community of support for many couples and what a beautiful sense of joy we feel as we are to couples just what we needed when we were in their shoes. We know what it feels like to not only deal with just regular marriage issues but to also have one that deals with health challenges is even more very isolating. I am a firm believer that what we all endure in our lives are purposeful. To be a recipient of how beneficial having a trusted marital community is for your marriage to now being the same source of support for others has enriched my marriage greatly.