Have you ever had marriage examples that you wanted to pattern your marriage after? At some point in your marriage there were your parents, grandparents, or someone close to you that you admired, or maybe there was a celebrity you’ve watched and you declared their marriage is “relationship goals.” I think it’s safe to say we all have looked upon someone for an example or even inspiration. But one thing that I’ve taken into account while counseling couples is bringing awareness to the importance of having inspiration over duplication. I’ve seen many couples demand a lifestyle like other couples they watch and want to emulate not knowing that what you see on the outside of a marriage could be very different on the inside. 

Being inspired is not the same as duplicating. Being inspired by a couple simply means you are influenced by them and that can create an unrealistic image for your marriage. Duplication is just that — it is a dupe of an original. Duplications don’t carry lots of value because they come after the original copy. It is wise to be grateful for the marriage you have and work together to grow, improve, and create a marriage that the two of you can be proud of. When a couple is true to themselves without trying to be anyone else, that’s a couple whose marriage is unstoppable! I can remember early in my marriage where I struggled with where I felt my marriage was heading.

We had become pastors of our local church’s Worship and Arts area. After being in the role for some time, I became anxious that I would be a duplicate of my own parents’ marriage. That terrified me because my father was a pastor and my mother pastoring alongside him did women’s ministry. I watched the two of them work so tirelessly that they rarely had time outside of church commitments to just be a married couple. I began to have these conversations with my husband about not wanting to move forward in the roles we were in due to it feeling too much like my parents. I received an amazing piece of marital wisdom after I made a frantic call to my sister. What she said shifted my perspective.

She said, “Your marriage will have its own DNA.” Something literally jumped inside of me and I got it. She went on to say, “You’re not our mom and your husband is not our dad. The two of you have the awesome ability to make your marriage yours.” Those words became our marriage’s lifeline and our mission statement to this day. Our marriages have their own DNA — you can create it, cultivate it, shape it and form it the way you need it to. Being MS thrivers, we already have a uniqueness to our marriages that most couples don’t have the endurance to contend with. MS have made us unstoppable fighters! We have the amazing opportunity to create the marriage we can both be proud of because we created our own journey together.